| Spain's Maddest Fiestas 2, from
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| | recompensatory meaning to the
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| Where? Las Nieves, near A Coruna,
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| | participants.
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| north-west Spain
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| | This fiesta sounds as if it's not exactly
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| When? 29th July
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| | going to fall into the laugh-a-minute
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| The Fiesta to celebrate Nearly Dying
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| | section, but the reality is somewhat
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| Did you nearly die sometime this year?
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| | different.
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| I'm not necessarily talking about a bad
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| | Coffins do not usually carry moving
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| case of man-flu or anything like that,
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| | objects, and the path to the church, and
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| but something rather more serious and
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| | subsequently to the cemetery is far from
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| life-threatening.
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| | smooth. Numerous accidents occur, with
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| Las Nieves, a small town in the northwest
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| | the incumbent passenger being turfed out
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| of Spain is the place to go, should you
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| | of their box in a most undignified
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| be the type of person who can laugh in
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| | fashion as one or more of the pallbearers
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| the face of the Grim Reaper.
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| | loses grip or footing.
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| For it is in Las Nieves that you will
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| | Additionally, the Spanish ego, and male
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| witness probably one of the strangest
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| | machismo oft comes to the fore in this
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| fiestas in Spain.
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| | 'race' to the church, and seeing teams
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| In a Pythonesque potage of Paganism and
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| | losing all sense of decorum in their
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| with a dash of Catholicism, those people
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| | efforts to get to the church first is not
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| lucky enough to have cheated death get to
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| | unusual. Solemnity is forgotten as the
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| ride in the coffin they might otherwise
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| | coffin bounces up and down, with the
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| have occupied, had the fates not been
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| | incumbent hanging on to their dear life
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| kind to them.
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| | and dignity by a thread.
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| If however, you have only recently
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| | Also, because part of the passenger's
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| recovered from pleurisy and double
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| | responsibility is making sure the team
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| pneumonia, this is probably not the place
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| | arrive at the church on time (surely the
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| to go alone.
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| | only time they will hold such a
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| If you go, and are one of those people
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| | responsibility whilst being coffin-bound)
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| unlucky enough to parade their infirmity,
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| | lots of shouting and gesticulating is the
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| without a team of accompanying
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| | order of the day. The tipping out of the
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| pall-bearers, you will have to lug your
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| | coffin's occupant onto the cobbled street
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| own box along.
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| | beneath, can sometimes therefore safely
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| This Coffin Derby starts around 10am, as
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| | be assumed to be somewhat less than 100%
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| the first of the coffins begin to jostle
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| | accidental.
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| for prime position, along with
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| | Pallbearers look suitably chastened as
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| solemnly-dressed relatives, and of
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| | they help Granny back into her box, but
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| course, the recently-recovered star of
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| | look carefully and you just may see the
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| the show, waving to the growing crowds
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| | gleam of satisfaction in their eyes.
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| from within said coffin (thereby
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| | Merchants abound, and if you are in the
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| confirming their 'alive' status).
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| | market for a miniature of Santa Marta -
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| By 12noon, the entire parade of
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| | boy, have you come to the right place!
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| almost-lost souls will have reached the
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| | Small figurines are for sale everywhere,
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| tiny granite church of Santa Marta de
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| | and the exhortations to purchase become
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| Ribarteme, where they will hear a Mass.
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| | more and more plaintive as the day wears
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| This is broadcast on Tannoy throughout
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| | on. Also on sale are figurines of Jesus,
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| the village, so the crowd outside can
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| | silver crosses galore, tastefully
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| hear it too.
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| | illuminated Last Supper montages and a
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| Following Mass, the procession of
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| | wide selection of plastic angels.
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| coffins, families and
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| | Collectors of religious kitsch should
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| 'almost-was-but-now-not-quite-dead-yet'
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| | bring money. Lots of money.
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| proceed further up the hill to the tiny
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| | Naturally, the unique and somewhat
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| cemetery, and then back down again to
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| | foolhardy ability of the Spanish male,
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| circle the church. All present then begin
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| | cigarette planted firmly twixt lips, of
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| to chant "Virgin Santa Marta, Star of the
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| | mixing strong alcohol and explosives in
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| north, we bring you those who saw death"
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| | the form of giant firework displays
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| like some scene from The Wicker Man.
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| | ensures that a good time is had by all
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| A statue of Santa Marta is then uprooted
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| | this year, and that the coffins will be
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| from its normal place within the church,
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| | full for the parade next year.
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| and carted around with the coffins and
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| | Dancing, music, copious amounts of food,
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| the coffin-dodgers. Santa Marta's right
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| | and a celebration of being alive sweeps
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| hand is raised, and from which a cascade
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| | you along into the early hours. A great
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| of money falls, (not real unfortunately)
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| | fiesta!
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| which is meant to have some
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