| Spain's Maddest Fiestas 2, from | | | | meaning to the participants. |
| Where? Las Nieves, near A Coruna, north-west | | | | This fiesta sounds as if it's not exactly going to |
| Spain | | | | fall into the laugh-a-minute section, but the reality |
| When? 29th July | | | | is somewhat different. |
| The Fiesta to celebrate Nearly Dying | | | | Coffins do not usually carry moving objects, and |
| Did you nearly die sometime this year? I'm not | | | | the path to the church, and subsequently to the |
| necessarily talking about a bad case of man-flu or | | | | cemetery is far from smooth. Numerous |
| anything like that, but something rather more | | | | accidents occur, with the incumbent passenger |
| serious and life-threatening. | | | | being turfed out of their box in a most undignified |
| Las Nieves, a small town in the northwest of | | | | fashion as one or more of the pallbearers loses |
| Spain is the place to go, should you be the type | | | | grip or footing. |
| of person who can laugh in the face of the Grim | | | | Additionally, the Spanish ego, and male machismo |
| Reaper. | | | | oft comes to the fore in this 'race' to the church, |
| For it is in Las Nieves that you will witness | | | | and seeing teams losing all sense of decorum in |
| probably one of the strangest fiestas in Spain. | | | | their efforts to get to the church first is not |
| In a Pythonesque potage of Paganism and with a | | | | unusual. Solemnity is forgotten as the coffin |
| dash of Catholicism, those people lucky enough to | | | | bounces up and down, with the incumbent hanging |
| have cheated death get to ride in the coffin they | | | | on to their dear life and dignity by a thread. |
| might otherwise have occupied, had the fates not | | | | Also, because part of the passenger's |
| been kind to them. | | | | responsibility is making sure the team arrive at |
| If however, you have only recently recovered | | | | the church on time (surely the only time they will |
| from pleurisy and double pneumonia, this is | | | | hold such a responsibility whilst being coffin-bound) |
| probably not the place to go alone. | | | | lots of shouting and gesticulating is the order of |
| If you go, and are one of those people unlucky | | | | the day. The tipping out of the coffin's occupant |
| enough to parade their infirmity, without a team | | | | onto the cobbled street beneath, can sometimes |
| of accompanying pall-bearers, you will have to lug | | | | therefore safely be assumed to be somewhat |
| your own box along. | | | | less than 100% accidental. |
| This Coffin Derby starts around 10am, as the | | | | Pallbearers look suitably chastened as they help |
| first of the coffins begin to jostle for prime | | | | Granny back into her box, but look carefully and |
| position, along with solemnly-dressed relatives, and | | | | you just may see the gleam of satisfaction in |
| of course, the recently-recovered star of the | | | | their eyes. |
| show, waving to the growing crowds from within | | | | Merchants abound, and if you are in the market |
| said coffin (thereby confirming their 'alive' status). | | | | for a miniature of Santa Marta - boy, have you |
| By 12noon, the entire parade of almost-lost souls | | | | come to the right place! Small figurines are for |
| will have reached the tiny granite church of Santa | | | | sale everywhere, and the exhortations to |
| Marta de Ribarteme, where they will hear a Mass. | | | | purchase become more and more plaintive as the |
| This is broadcast on Tannoy throughout the | | | | day wears on. Also on sale are figurines of Jesus, |
| village, so the crowd outside can hear it too. | | | | silver crosses galore, tastefully illuminated Last |
| Following Mass, the procession of coffins, families | | | | Supper montages and a wide selection of plastic |
| and 'almost-was-but-now-not-quite-dead-yet' | | | | angels. Collectors of religious kitsch should bring |
| proceed further up the hill to the tiny cemetery, | | | | money. Lots of money. |
| and then back down again to circle the church. All | | | | Naturally, the unique and somewhat foolhardy |
| present then begin to chant "Virgin Santa Marta, | | | | ability of the Spanish male, cigarette planted firmly |
| Star of the north, we bring you those who saw | | | | twixt lips, of mixing strong alcohol and explosives |
| death" like some scene from The Wicker Man. | | | | in the form of giant firework displays ensures |
| A statue of Santa Marta is then uprooted from | | | | that a good time is had by all this year, and that |
| its normal place within the church, and carted | | | | the coffins will be full for the parade next year. |
| around with the coffins and the coffin-dodgers. | | | | Dancing, music, copious amounts of food, and a |
| Santa Marta's right hand is raised, and from which | | | | celebration of being alive sweeps you along into |
| a cascade of money falls, (not real unfortunately) | | | | the early hours. A great fiesta! |
| which is meant to have some recompensatory | | | | |